undisclosed

"Of the many contradictions that exist in the world, the contrast between love and hate is perhaps the starkest. It is one that helps us value true love while understanding the ramifications of hatred."
desires

"A life without love is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."
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Friday, August 31

i jus feel so lost. wad wrong have i done to deserve all this? i dun have the strength or courage or confidence to carry on. the hopes placed onto me are never-ending. everyone's expecting me to do this and that, and i am so dumb enough to not tell them that wad they are asking me to do for them is so wrong. my life's in a huge mess which i can never tidy up. the good old days will never return; they will only serve as memories. nowhere to turn, nowhere to hide, my life's in ruins, a total wreck. if i tell a lie long enough, it becomes the truth. and being avoided is such a cruel feeling. i never felt so down in my whole life. the scars remain and no amount of time can sew up the wounds.

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so ya today's teachers' day -.-, had fun during class bonding, although i got scolding frm sum people =.=
sy's singing was VERY nice(:
went to get sum advice later on, duno whether will help me though...maybe becoz im too gullible until they have to tell me to do it? haish...who shud i listen to!?!?
holidays are here. everyone study and play hard too! get ready for a fast paced and harsh term 4!
and i reali cant stand YOU anymore!


everything's changing. and i cant catch up. LOST.
is slashing myself or jumping the fastest way to death?
i cant face the future.cos i have simply no confidence to carry on.
draining you out of my system is so HARD.

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Thursday, August 30

MY 1OOTH POST! WEEEEE~~~(:

well tis wasnt a gud week, teachers are like so hypocrite, say "have a happy school holidays and hope to see u cum back looking refreshed." so CRAP lo. got tons of homework and revision for SA2 and physics project how to enjoy!?!?
tomorrow cindy's burfdae!!!(: teachers' day celebration too!!! class bonding day too(:
and he is acting childish again, say himself shuai until make esther mad haha(:

and i seemed to be the only one who bothered about things): cant you see im so STRESSED UP aledi!?!? can u be more auto!?!?

and the trust i have in you is slowing returning, but ur actions always brings me back to square one.

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Wednesday, August 29

poor mr yew...he so upset during chem becoz of a blog he read in the morning...reali brought down his morale...all i can say is i noe who is the person, and that mr yew doesnt noe the whole story...D:
and i reali envied the boy in the video that mr yew showed us...how he cut his wrist(act only de) until so much blood haha(:
and im so STRESSED by everyone.

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Monday, August 27

i've forgotten to thank my juniors for giving me a F.O.C bath on friday(: told them to splash cindy in the end all go splash me and cindy. sumone also super horny she literally pour water down my shirt and pants. in the end my boots also got water -.-
got pressurised by many people and homework even during my weekend, by redcross and amaths. lucky today can hand in by 7.20am =.=
nearly died today though. im TOTALLY STRESSED OUT by all the ATTENTION given to me... imagine sumone screaming "CHAIRMAN!!!!" to you in the parade square!?!? then one by one all telling you to "make redcross rise to greater heights, help FHSRCY win more awards."!?!? omg, we havent even started our first training as the new committee, and im already tearing pieces of my hair out. chill people chill! give me time to adjust! ~.~ and i can imagine the 4 scouts(chang hong, zi an, wenjie, chuin haow), alvin, chong cher and sanjay laughing their pants off if they ever finds out about this (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
cant wait for friday, another class bonding session, YAY!!!(:

and thanks for talking to me during the last weekend. only helps a little, but thanks for the effort.

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Saturday, August 25

well, there is only one more week of school left, but to me and any other sec 3 and the sec 4s, whether there is a holiday or not, it makes no difference, coz there is final years and o levels to see to. haish...
friday's pe was way NOT cool. 4E2 are like so FOUL la. i holding the ball they just slammed the ball, then the ball fell down then they took the ball. wad kind of captain's ball is this!?!? we said foul and they dun care. wad the hell lo. they fouled people like yumiko too. they sux so much man.
became worse during recess, i was so unhappy about wad happened in the morning and pe that i jus broke down. I WASTED YOUR TIME? WAD ABOUT MINE!?!? enough aledi cans?
redcross..was kinda upset over the progress of the sec 1s drills...reali need to chiong their knowledge of their drills le...
taking over...all i have to say is im now facing the REAL REALITY of being a sec 3...bringing FHSRCY to a higher standard is never easy, but i believe with the cooperation of everyone, nothing is impossible ya(:
so shall i state the posts of my darling sec 3s!

Chairperson: Jeslynn
Secretary/Treasurer: Joselin, Leanna
Logistics/Welfare i/cs: Kai Ting, Debbie
First Aid i/c: Ying Shuen
Footdrill i/c: Jeslynn
OA i/c: Ying Shuen

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Tuesday, August 21

got back all my subjects results le...i wun say it's gud nor bad. felt disappointed with my history. even mr ng said so D: physics was VERY GOOD. mr loh noted my improvement :DDD geography was GOOD too, a SWEET A1. amaths quite okay to me, so as long got improve can le. chem and emaths bad lo. dun need say why.
and IM SO PROUD OF MY 6 SEC 2S AND THE NAGGY KRISTIE TIONG FOR BEING THE FIRST FAC TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF FHSRCY TO BE THIRD IN WEST DISTRICT!!! CONGRATS GIRLS!!! although im definitely going broke buying SEVEN bars of chocolates for them XD.
also CONGRATS TO SHI YUAN FOR GETTING HER CONSOLATION IN WESTZONE SUPERSTAR AND BEING THE MATHS FREAK OF SEC 2 LEVEL (50/50 FOR MATHS CT2)!!!
friday got training, very nervous though...

and i dun see why the two of you shud let your frenship go to pieces jus like that. i dun like it. we had been such gud frens and jus becoz of disagreements and miscommunications, you two are becuming enemies. im stuck in the middle, for your information!

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Saturday, August 18

got this photo frm alvin...okay is either my scanner skills hen lan or his scanner better than mine =.=
and crapping with him on msn is so much hard work =.=


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and yesterday i heard a lot of things which i shudnt be hearing. got sum advice here and there, but if ____ _____ doesnt want to change then there's nothing anyone can do abt it. let's jus take ___ attitude with a pinch of salt. everyone shud aledi noe ___ is like that. so dun get so agitated ya(:

yesterday ncc was so scary the sec 1s do PT like for more than ONE hour!?!? omg. summore the stupid mosquitoes-busters do the smoke thingy so darn stupid cans coz there are still people in the sch? shall go complain if any of my juniors suffer from the after effects of the smoke(:

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Friday, August 17

CT2 IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!! YYYEEESSSHHH!!!!!!!!!! sorry im crapping haha(:
so now currently can UPDATE my blog if i dun wan to hear anymore NAGGINGS from KRISTIE TIONG :DDDDD
im so dead for common test lo...over le im happy but getting results is NOT FUN at all. failed chemistry, i knew i will definetely fail D: chinese passed(: but lost to VALERIE ONE miserable mark!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!! XD. hope get highest for history, hope pass emaths and amaths. hope get gud marks for geography and physics [B4 to A1? haha(:]
so wednesday was fun during PE coz we play captain's ball! it was so funny and fun haha. mr khusni wanna catch the ball nvr see sw then he bump her lor. BIG BULLY MR KHUSNI XD. so of course we teased her laogong why nvr go scold mr khusni LOL.heng arh the injury wasnt serious. only abrasion.
so next was assembly which was a talk on sex and all those, was very interesting, but the part on how to wear a condom was not. a bit disgusting for me >.<
bought the national day photos, expensive leh, but worth it, shall scan sum of the photos i bought when i get them(:
at night on wed tok about 7 month stuff with alvin,about the 3 lamps thingy, was quite interesting coz he noes so much. sorry for not letting u sleep in peace hehe(: summore next day was amaths exam >.<
so today wasnt exactly gud. kt dun angry le cans pls? then wen wan bersurai joanne ma'am call me then i went off only to find out that tis gurl is having "numbness"(wonder wad is that?). so need to evacuate her to sick bay. was a gud experience for me coz my first time. hope the gurl gets well soon(:
GOOD LUCK TO FAC PEOPLE YA(:

he doesnt even care about her la. we bothered to, and he didnt. we were almost late for class, and he didnt noe that. he didnt even bother asking about our lateness. we didnt even get any credit for going the extra mile cans. no one noes abt it except the 3 of us maybe? i dun need the "thank you" frm him, but wad about the first aider frm 3s4? she so deserves it cans. he so damn ungrateful lo.

im sorry that im unable to trust you more. i noe that u really want to change, but i cannot even trust myself so how do i trust you. give me time, for i believe time heals all wounds. im aledi trying my hardest best, but i need TIME. T.T

if i knew it was the last time i would see you,
i would run away from my piano lessons
to accompany you in the rain

if i knew it was the last time i would see you,
i would go on and hug you
to tell you you're not alone
if i knew it was the last time i would see you
i would shout to the world i love you
if i knew it was the last time i would see you
i would give up the world for you.

*so meaningful(:

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Tuesday, August 14

CT2 started le...so far so gud though...got a compliment frm ms yeo recently, kena shocked.
not posting much, i go study chemistry bb!

monday was great coz i didnt even tok to him once the whole day...wasnt sccessful today coz i tokin to jose then he asked who in sec 3 rc comittee is the fiercest :x so i answer him lo. he damn ungrateful lo i so nice give out the chem papers during chinese then he not appreciative summore scold me for giving him extra page. irony is that i wasnt the one who nicely arranged the chemistry papers together. grr...but why shud i care?(:

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Friday, August 10

feeling emo during some parts of the day. i hate it. why shud i be so emo over such a small matter?
forget to mention that monday, the whole sch went to the hall for reading, only to watch public caning later on. scary. juz becoz 4 boys were IDIOTIC enough to go tie the national flag to the toilet seat as a JOKE. they mus be CRAZY.
and you seem to linger on my mind. the feeling is getting weaker. trying my best, but not hard enough. D:

$$$ & SONGS are my LOVES<3
showing off my jealousy(:

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Thursday, August 9

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!!!
the parade on wed was great, except the pc was nervous haha. food sold at the sec 2 bazaar was okay; the most common food: COOKIES!!! hope 3s5 enjoyed the song i dedicated to them XD
now duno why im suddenly missing my C2 people very much. coz hearing the "uptown girl" by westlife remind me of ULP...i miss eugene omg >.<
CT2 cumin everyone jiayous kay(: wun be updating much le
*so kristie dun keep telling me to update

trying my best.but not hard enough.

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Saturday, August 4

ever since that tuesday,31/7/07, everything changed. i now see life in a different light. i dun see why shud i force people to do wad i like. now im trying my best to change. life is never perfect. only you can make it more perfect than it should. i dun wan to be obsessed with _____ anymore. im determined to do so. testing my determined self everyday is never easy, but i really want to reach my goal of obtaining PURENESS and INNOCENCE within my heart again. trying is never easy, but tasting the sweetness of the achieved goal is satisfying(:

next week wonder whether can get more pocket money, since got the sec 2 bazaar on wednesday haha(:

the truth hurts badly. why dun u tell me your intentions directly? i dun wish to hear it from other people. jus becoz you are so great doesnt mean u can push me around. If u dun wan me to be the ____ ______, why dun u say it directly? why did u tell me a TOTAL lie???

my will to live is dimishing day by day.
all because of you.